Cmuiain

So the title may not make sense right now, and that's because it's not supposed to.

Every time something is said, three things are combined to make up the meaning of it. They are the words, the tone, and the nonverbal communication or body language. Only about 14% of the meaning comes from the words alone, 35% comes from the tone and about 51% comes from the nonverbal. Try it! Try saying something happy while scowling and shaking a fist and see which emotion someone believes. It will most likely be your body language. You can try different combinations of them as well. Anyway, this idea about the percentages in meaning is really important when you consider how most people communicate these days. It is usually through texting, Facebook, online blogging such as this, letters, emails, and other types or written or typed communication. What might be the problem with this? Only 14% of the desired meaning is reaching your reader because they can neither hear you nor see you. People can get into all kind of trouble when someone takes something the wrong way when it is being read. Please be careful.

Another thing we talked about is something known as the feedback loop. This looks something like this: 

Each person has to decode the message based on what they think it means. That is a really important thing to keep in mind. 



When two people have a conflict and they are engaged in an argument, they need to make sure that their words, their tone, and their body language, all match the meaning they are trying to give. You need to be able to talk about it and really understand what the other person is saying. There are several ways to solve a problem but three main ones are: collaboration, compromise, and force. These are categorized as collaboration being celestial, meaning it draws the couple closer to each other and to the Lord; compromise is terrestrial meaning that neither one will be completely satisfied with the arrangement because they had to give up something that they wanted; force is telestial because one person is just forcing their opinion on the other person and making the decision for them. You can probably guess which one is the best option.

As part of the last section for this unit, we talked about councils in the church and how they make decisions. Each meeting of the first presidency with the quorum of the twelve apostles follows a pattern. They come and talk with one another offering love and support. They ask each other about their family, and other things going on in their life. Then they have a prayer to invite the spirit to be with them. They begin and review any subjects that need to be discussed. They debate about it and then they take a vote. If even one person disagrees with what they are talking about, then they will remain undecided and come back to it at a later meeting. Everyone has to be in tune with the Spirit and be able to say exactly what they feel they need to. They have to come to a consensus. After their business is over, they close with a prayer and then they enjoy some kind of refreshments. They begin the meeting with a feeling of love, and they end the meeting with a feeling of love. This is how every council should be, even within our own families.

Family councils can be extremely important to the functioning of the family. For it to be considered a council, there need to be at least two people engaged in the conversation. A family council can even just be between a husband and a wife, a mother and daughter, a father and son, a mother and son, or a father and daughter. You can even have an extended family council if the need arises. These don't need to occur in a formal setting, but you do need to feel like you are able to contribute freely and not feel looked down upon. A spirit of love should be maintained throughout the council even when the people are in a disagreement with one another. Family councils can be a great time to bond with family members and listen to their ideas and their input on issues related to their family. They can be very beneficial and you might end up with a solution to a problem that you had never thought possible until  you talked to someone and got other ideas about it.

In the end, I think that communication is one of the most important things in this world. Everyone needs to have some way to communicate. When we engage in a conversation, we need to pay special attention to not only the words, but also the tone, and the body language of the person speaking.
Does the title make sense now? When you only have the words, the meaning may not make sense. I was generous enough to give you 50% instead of just 14. You're welcome. 
Also make sure you council with other people about problems instead of trying to handle them on your own. You never know what might happen.
HaPpY ThAnKsGiViNg EvErYoNe!! :)

Crises

This past week has been the hardest for me. It's not that what we were learning was hard stuff, it's just that it's hard stuff to think about. We learned about crises that come up in family life and in your marriage. We took experiences from our own life and applied the ABCX model to them. The ABCX model is

Actual Event

 +Both Resources and Response

+Cognitions

----------------------------------------------------

=total eXperience

You determine what the outcome of a crisis is going to be. You can take the event and react to it badly and then the whole thing will just turn out bad. Or you can reverse that process and react to it positively and it will turn out for the better. 

There are several resources that we have that can help us to cope with stressors. They include but are not limited to:

Money

Family Members

Knowledge

The Gospel

Peers

Skills

Friends

If you combine some of them and use them to your advantage, you are more likely to come out on top of the situation depending on what it is. 

In the end, I learned a lot about how to deal with problems that can come up in a family. Attitude is everything.

Weird Week

This week has been an interesting one because we only had class on Monday. Brother Williams (my teacher) had to go to a conference and so we just read things online. We learned about sexuality and the importance of staying faithful to your spouse. We also talked about the need for having someone that you can rely on and trust. Women especially need to feel safe before they are comfortable having sex with a man.

One of the articles that we read was on being friends with members of the opposite gender after you are married. That is not a problem as long as nothing comes of it. If you start spending time alone with a member of the opposite gender, chances are that something will happen. If you love your spouse enough, you won’t even be tempted to do something like that. You have to set your own boundaries.

That’s really all I have because we couldn’t discuss anything in class. I’m sorry this is so short. Tune in next time.

Family after Marriage

This past week we talked a lot about relationships within a family after marriage and before and after children. In most families, once the two people are married, they have a very high level of satisfaction with each other. After they have their first child and even during that first pregnancy, their relationship changes. The mother has a stronger relationship with the baby and the mother and father don't have as much time to spend by themselves. The satisfaction level continues to decline with each child and in most cases won't start to increase until the first child leaves the home. When the first child leaves, the parents start to have more time with each other than they used to. It reaches the highest level again once all of the children have moved out and the parents are "empty nesters". At this point they are able to rediscover who each other is and why they got married in the first place.

This pattern is not true for every family and doesn't have to be true for you. If both the husband and the wife engage the other in every step of their life together, they will be brought closer together. One important thing that they can do is to continue dating even after marriage. This give the husband and wife to be just that, a husband and wife. This helps to put aside the duties of mother and father and focus on their roles to each other. This will strengthen not only their relationship as a pair but also the relationships of the members in their whole family. Also, the mother should keep the father involved as much as possible with raising the children. This begins with pregnancy by bringing the father to doctor's visits, allowing the father to feel the baby kick, and anything else that will keep you close. Once the baby is born, the father should do everything he possible can to help the mother.

It is so incredibly important for the mother and the father to maintain a good relationship with each other while raising their family. This will help them to stick together and to provide the best possible environment for their children.

Marriage

This past week we talked about marriage, cohabitation, dating, love, attraction, and a few other related topics. I learned that finding the right person to marry doesn't usually happen in a day. Building a relationship doesn't happen overnight and it takes effort to make it last. In order to build a relationship with a member of the opposite gender, you need to date. Dating consists of three p words. The date should be planned, paired off, and paid for. Paired off does not mean that there can only be two people it just means that everyone in the group should be paired with someone else. Following these guidelines, shows the other person that they really care. Dating helps you decide who you want to marry. People generally want to marry other people that are similar to them. Men and women that have similar interests and lifestyles, usually end up dating and eventually marry. Another option instead of marriage though is cohabitation. Cohabitation is the world's way of decreasing divorce rates by having people just live together before getting married. But the truth is that it doesn't help. People that live together before getting married are just as likely, if not more likely, to get divorced after marriage. Cohabitation is the same as marriage except the two people involved don't want to face the long-term commitment. They want to keep the relationship they have more open so that if something does happen, they don't need to get a divorce, they can just leave. Some cohabiting couples have children, and some couples do end up getting married later. However, we believe in the church that this practice is wrong and should not be participated in.

Another thing that we talked about is the definition of love. There are four main types of love and each has a different meaning and definition. The first kind of love is Agape. This kind of love is also known as charity. You can have this type of love for someone that you have never met. This general feeling of love helps people to get along and understand one another. The second kind of love is Storge. This is love between a parent and a child. It is immediate and it is strong. This love helps parents do what is best for their children. It binds them together in a way that nothing else could. It connects them and it helps the child to feel safe knowing that someone loves them. The third kind of love is Philios. This is brotherly love or what you feel for your friends and siblings. This kind of love keeps friendships alive and really makes them possible. The fourth and last kind of love is Eros. This is romantic love or what you feel for your spouse. This is a very strong type of love and it is built up over a period of time. It keeps parents together and binds them to one another. Each type of love is unique and serves a different purpose but each one is also important.

I have learned so much about the family and about marriage this past week. I know that getting married and starting a family is really important and I hope that one day I have to opportunity to be a part of that. Until next week...

Importance of Gender

This week we learned about specific gender roles of males and females. There is a lot of controversy about what is expected of men and women. Should they have specific roles or should they be more equal? Are the differences in boys and girls mainly genetic or does it have something to do with how we raise them? Or is it a combination of the two? Do we raise them differently because of the way they are different genetically? A lot of these questions were discussed in class and we couldn't come to an exact conclusion. There have been a few studies done on young boys and girls to see if they react differently to certain situations. In one of the studies, they would put toddlers one at a time behind a clear gate that separated them from their parents and observed their reactions closely. Most of the girls would cry but the boys would try to knock down the gate. Keep in mind that these are toddlers and they can't even talk and yet they react differently to the separation. Have they already been influenced by how we treat them? Who knows.

We also studied and learned about SSA or same sex attraction. I had no idea that there was so much information on the subject. I had just never really looked into it because I never had a reason to. Anyway, we read some articles and watched some videos and it was really interesting. Some of the studies suggest that people aren't born homosexual. They are people that have unique characteristics that define them as different from others of the same gender. Boys will be kind and good at listening and want to play more creatively than the other boys and so they get made fun of. Because they are different, they spend most of their growing years playing with the girls because that is where they feel more accepted. And because of that, when they mature, they seek attention from the "opposite gender" but because they have been classified as being more like the females, they seek attention from males. It has also been found that young children that have been sexually molested end up becoming homosexual. SSA can be treated with counseling and these can lead a normal life. They just have to be willing to face their past and want to change. But it is possible.

In the end, we were born with our gender for a reason. We have been males and females since the premortal life. It's part of our divine destiny and with that comes responsibility. We are unique and different for a reason. Males and females complete each other and each is equally important. So be happy with your gender.

$$ and Culture

This week we learned about social classes.  We talked about the differences of people at varying levels on the social class scale and what defines them. Social class is defined by three main things. How much money you have, your education, and your job. I learned that most people stay in the social class they are born into. Some people move up, and some move down, but for the most part, your friends, acquaintances, spouse, and others, all belong to the same social class as you. We watched a video about a single mom with two boys. One of the boys was, I believe, in High School and the other was in Junior High. The family lived in a trailer park and the mom worked at a fast food restaurant. They didn't have a working car, and they had very little money. The mom was working as hard as she could to provide for her children's needs, but they didn't see it that way. The older boy didn't like where they were living or anything else for that matter. He was always rude to his mom, he never helped around the house, he was lazy, and he didn't have a job. He wouldn't even bring his friends over because he was embarrassed about where he lived and who his mom was. At school, he tried to dress like people from a higher social class. He wouldn't hang out with his younger brother, unless he helped him dress "nice". It was really hard to watch him try to fit it, but realize that his family was barely making do with what they had. He was trying to change his social class, but it wasn't working the way he had planned. But the social class that you are doesn't have to define you. People from the lower social class are still nice people and they still want to make a difference in the world. We shouldn't judge people just because of the social class they grew up in.

Another thing that we learned about was different cultures. It really opened my eyes to the diversity of people that we have on this earth. Some cultures are not completely in line with the teachings of the gospel and while we should support people in their decision to be a part of such cultures, we should not support their practices. Elder Oaks talked about truth and how it is absolute. You can't change it. What is true is true. We have the truth. Other people may not but that doesn't necessarily make their culture wrong. In my opinion, the church is its own culture. We have specific values and beliefs and we welcome anyone that wants to join us. There are lots of cultures out there but as members of the church, we are a part of the one that is completely based on truth.

I learned a lot this week about different types of families. They come from varies social classes and cultures. I am so thankful that I was raised in the gospel and that my parents can provide for my basic needs.