Family after Marriage

This past week we talked a lot about relationships within a family after marriage and before and after children. In most families, once the two people are married, they have a very high level of satisfaction with each other. After they have their first child and even during that first pregnancy, their relationship changes. The mother has a stronger relationship with the baby and the mother and father don't have as much time to spend by themselves. The satisfaction level continues to decline with each child and in most cases won't start to increase until the first child leaves the home. When the first child leaves, the parents start to have more time with each other than they used to. It reaches the highest level again once all of the children have moved out and the parents are "empty nesters". At this point they are able to rediscover who each other is and why they got married in the first place.

This pattern is not true for every family and doesn't have to be true for you. If both the husband and the wife engage the other in every step of their life together, they will be brought closer together. One important thing that they can do is to continue dating even after marriage. This give the husband and wife to be just that, a husband and wife. This helps to put aside the duties of mother and father and focus on their roles to each other. This will strengthen not only their relationship as a pair but also the relationships of the members in their whole family. Also, the mother should keep the father involved as much as possible with raising the children. This begins with pregnancy by bringing the father to doctor's visits, allowing the father to feel the baby kick, and anything else that will keep you close. Once the baby is born, the father should do everything he possible can to help the mother.

It is so incredibly important for the mother and the father to maintain a good relationship with each other while raising their family. This will help them to stick together and to provide the best possible environment for their children.

Marriage

This past week we talked about marriage, cohabitation, dating, love, attraction, and a few other related topics. I learned that finding the right person to marry doesn't usually happen in a day. Building a relationship doesn't happen overnight and it takes effort to make it last. In order to build a relationship with a member of the opposite gender, you need to date. Dating consists of three p words. The date should be planned, paired off, and paid for. Paired off does not mean that there can only be two people it just means that everyone in the group should be paired with someone else. Following these guidelines, shows the other person that they really care. Dating helps you decide who you want to marry. People generally want to marry other people that are similar to them. Men and women that have similar interests and lifestyles, usually end up dating and eventually marry. Another option instead of marriage though is cohabitation. Cohabitation is the world's way of decreasing divorce rates by having people just live together before getting married. But the truth is that it doesn't help. People that live together before getting married are just as likely, if not more likely, to get divorced after marriage. Cohabitation is the same as marriage except the two people involved don't want to face the long-term commitment. They want to keep the relationship they have more open so that if something does happen, they don't need to get a divorce, they can just leave. Some cohabiting couples have children, and some couples do end up getting married later. However, we believe in the church that this practice is wrong and should not be participated in.

Another thing that we talked about is the definition of love. There are four main types of love and each has a different meaning and definition. The first kind of love is Agape. This kind of love is also known as charity. You can have this type of love for someone that you have never met. This general feeling of love helps people to get along and understand one another. The second kind of love is Storge. This is love between a parent and a child. It is immediate and it is strong. This love helps parents do what is best for their children. It binds them together in a way that nothing else could. It connects them and it helps the child to feel safe knowing that someone loves them. The third kind of love is Philios. This is brotherly love or what you feel for your friends and siblings. This kind of love keeps friendships alive and really makes them possible. The fourth and last kind of love is Eros. This is romantic love or what you feel for your spouse. This is a very strong type of love and it is built up over a period of time. It keeps parents together and binds them to one another. Each type of love is unique and serves a different purpose but each one is also important.

I have learned so much about the family and about marriage this past week. I know that getting married and starting a family is really important and I hope that one day I have to opportunity to be a part of that. Until next week...

Importance of Gender

This week we learned about specific gender roles of males and females. There is a lot of controversy about what is expected of men and women. Should they have specific roles or should they be more equal? Are the differences in boys and girls mainly genetic or does it have something to do with how we raise them? Or is it a combination of the two? Do we raise them differently because of the way they are different genetically? A lot of these questions were discussed in class and we couldn't come to an exact conclusion. There have been a few studies done on young boys and girls to see if they react differently to certain situations. In one of the studies, they would put toddlers one at a time behind a clear gate that separated them from their parents and observed their reactions closely. Most of the girls would cry but the boys would try to knock down the gate. Keep in mind that these are toddlers and they can't even talk and yet they react differently to the separation. Have they already been influenced by how we treat them? Who knows.

We also studied and learned about SSA or same sex attraction. I had no idea that there was so much information on the subject. I had just never really looked into it because I never had a reason to. Anyway, we read some articles and watched some videos and it was really interesting. Some of the studies suggest that people aren't born homosexual. They are people that have unique characteristics that define them as different from others of the same gender. Boys will be kind and good at listening and want to play more creatively than the other boys and so they get made fun of. Because they are different, they spend most of their growing years playing with the girls because that is where they feel more accepted. And because of that, when they mature, they seek attention from the "opposite gender" but because they have been classified as being more like the females, they seek attention from males. It has also been found that young children that have been sexually molested end up becoming homosexual. SSA can be treated with counseling and these can lead a normal life. They just have to be willing to face their past and want to change. But it is possible.

In the end, we were born with our gender for a reason. We have been males and females since the premortal life. It's part of our divine destiny and with that comes responsibility. We are unique and different for a reason. Males and females complete each other and each is equally important. So be happy with your gender.

$$ and Culture

This week we learned about social classes.  We talked about the differences of people at varying levels on the social class scale and what defines them. Social class is defined by three main things. How much money you have, your education, and your job. I learned that most people stay in the social class they are born into. Some people move up, and some move down, but for the most part, your friends, acquaintances, spouse, and others, all belong to the same social class as you. We watched a video about a single mom with two boys. One of the boys was, I believe, in High School and the other was in Junior High. The family lived in a trailer park and the mom worked at a fast food restaurant. They didn't have a working car, and they had very little money. The mom was working as hard as she could to provide for her children's needs, but they didn't see it that way. The older boy didn't like where they were living or anything else for that matter. He was always rude to his mom, he never helped around the house, he was lazy, and he didn't have a job. He wouldn't even bring his friends over because he was embarrassed about where he lived and who his mom was. At school, he tried to dress like people from a higher social class. He wouldn't hang out with his younger brother, unless he helped him dress "nice". It was really hard to watch him try to fit it, but realize that his family was barely making do with what they had. He was trying to change his social class, but it wasn't working the way he had planned. But the social class that you are doesn't have to define you. People from the lower social class are still nice people and they still want to make a difference in the world. We shouldn't judge people just because of the social class they grew up in.

Another thing that we learned about was different cultures. It really opened my eyes to the diversity of people that we have on this earth. Some cultures are not completely in line with the teachings of the gospel and while we should support people in their decision to be a part of such cultures, we should not support their practices. Elder Oaks talked about truth and how it is absolute. You can't change it. What is true is true. We have the truth. Other people may not but that doesn't necessarily make their culture wrong. In my opinion, the church is its own culture. We have specific values and beliefs and we welcome anyone that wants to join us. There are lots of cultures out there but as members of the church, we are a part of the one that is completely based on truth.

I learned a lot this week about different types of families. They come from varies social classes and cultures. I am so thankful that I was raised in the gospel and that my parents can provide for my basic needs.

Learning about My family

Wow. I learned so much about my family this past week. Both the good and the not so good. We talked in class about family rules. These rules aren't ones that you talk about during a family home evening discussion or a family council. In a way they kind of set themselves. No one has to establish them or really enforce them most of the time they just exist. When you really stop to think about it, every family has a lot of these rules that you don't even realize until you stop to write them down. There are rules such as where you sit at the dinner table, if it's okay to talk back to your parents, when to use your parents first name if ever, who has the last say in a decision, rules about grades in school, and so many others. These rules really define a family and make each one unique.

We also talked about different boundaries. These boundaries deal with the way people in the family interact and communicate with one another. There are three main types of boundaries. They are diffuse boundary, rigid boundary, and clear boundary. The best type to have is the clear boundary. These boundaries are used when mapping out the relationships between family members. The boundaries look like this:

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  is a diffuse boundary. This indicates that the family members that this is between are too involved in each others lives. There is more space in between than there is boundary.

____________________  is a rigid boundary. This indicates that the two people have little communication and rarely interact with each other. There is like a brick wall between the two people.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - is a clear boundary. This indicates that both people understand the family rules, but they don't try to be overly involved in each others business. They have a good understanding of how much interaction is appropriate. There are equal amounts of space and boundary between them.

Here is an example of how you would set up a family relations boundary picture:



This is just an example and each family's picture will look different but this one shows all the different boundaries. See if you can find all three. The M stands for Mom, D is for Dad and C is for child.

To wrap up, I really learned a lot about my family this week. I learned that you can solve family issues by redefining the boundaries between the members and also by making new rules if that is needed. If your family is having problems, draw up a boundary picture and see where you can help. 

Second Week :)

So the second week of school is officially over and I have to say that I do think I am really going to enjoy this Family Relations class. It is teaching me so much about the family. Things that I had never even considered before. This week we watched a video called the Demographic Winter. It really opened my eyes to what is going on with the population these days. The problem is that people just aren't having as many kids as they used to. Families are getting smaller, and there aren't enough children and young adults to take the place of the people that are retiring and eventually dying. The population is slowly decreasing and although this may sound like a good thing now, it will surely cause problems in the years to come. We also talked about some of the family trends that exist today. As I mentioned earlier, families are getting smaller, but there are also more single parent families, people are waiting longer to get married, people are living alone, people are living together before marriage, and more and more families are having both parents working. I understand that it's tough in this economy but mothers need to realize the impact for good that they can have on their children. If moms absolutely need the extra money, there are options for working from home, night shifts, and other options. I don't think I can stress enough how important it is for moms to stay home and raise their children.

It has been really interesting because I am also taking the Family Foundations religion class this semester and I have seen so many ties between these two classes. I am so glad that it's just the beginning. In my religion class, we are learning about the Family Proclamation and the roles of mothers and fathers. The Proclamation states that it is the mother's job to raise the children and the father's job to provide for the family. Whenever possible, this should be the case. The idea of being a part of a family was not an accident. Heavenly Father knows that we are social beings and we need interaction with other people to thrive. I am a strong believer in the traditional family with a mother and a father that are legally married and whenever possible sealed, and as many children as the couple decide to have and can support.

I want to be an influence for good. I want other people to know what I know and to share the joy that I feel whenever I see a family that is centered on the gospel of Jesus Christ. I can't wait to have more experiences as I learn more and more about the family in the weeks to come.

Beginning

So this is my beginning post. A little about me is that I am a sophmore, I am from Provo, UT, and I am a Child Development major. I am really excited to be in this class.